Broken Vows

She ponders aimlessly, drawn by words.
The depth of despair in her wounded heart,
knows no bounds tearing her world apart.
Some broken vows and promises unkept,
few morals to transgress, step after step.
Fear of the consequences brim at dusk,
tears of resentment run down her core;
Then dawn arrives with some new hope,
some new promises, a few more to cope.
Her future so bleak she longs for more.
A chance she seeks to set it all right,
go back to the innocence a hopeful light.
From the dark world she now transcends,
to a new life, she vows to make amends.

Quivering Strings

A melody begins as I ponder over you,
deliciously strumming through my soul.
I gather sweet dreams, now turned true
Engulfed in your arms, makes me feel whole
Love soars within me like a violin's note.
Rhyme and reason fail to see they've begun.
As riveting is your aura, I feel unnerved
Helplessly drawn to you like Icarus to the sun.
Joy with you is like an unspoken word
and loving you is a symphony at its peak.
Where heartbeats flutter, like quivering strings.

I solemnly swear!

After a sabbatical of few months, (which was due to important reasons involving alien abductions and achieving world peace) I solemnly swear that from now on, I shall write more. Yes folks, apologies to the ones who loathe my writing, you can simply click on the red cross button on the top right side of your system and live happily.

Over the few months a lot has changed (well other than me failing to achieve world peace) but changes within me. A lot more platforms have come up where I can express myself, good friends whom I treat as diaries, who listen to my constant chatter, my whims and put up with it. An amazing pen pal from a land far away who's penmanship blows my literary hungry mind. My hands were full dealing with myriads of situations and sometimes I found myself juggling with a little more than I can take (I can't juggle in reality, I'm dyslexic when it comes to doing tasks that require hand-eye co-ordination.. sigh)

Although, I had enough emotional outlets to share whatever nonsensical bit my brain could conjure. I still found myself making ahem, lengthy conversations with my own brain (they were oddly pretty humorous too!) I wondered, what was missing, it all boiled down to this. I missed writing! Making up weird scenarios, exaggerating mundane situations, being quirky about my own behavior. So many things that I can only express in solitude and then.. well, share it to the world. (I've got nothing to lose anyways)

So here it is, a small word I now give to myself and my literature craving mind, that I will pour my feelings, my quirkiness into my writings. Be it on any platform.. cause lets face it, the things I have been coming up with, of-late.. writing in solitude might be the only option left for me. Kudos to words!

That silly affair called 'Arranged Marraige'

It’s that scary phase in your life. Where you come across a fork in the road and nothing you’ve have accomplished all these years by toiling seems to satisfy you. Just when you think of maybe elevating that self imposed sorry state of yours by going after your passion, your parents pop that dreaded question of marriage in an attempt to choke you at the dinner table. You suddenly find yourself under the radar of annoying uncles and aunties that oddly crop up only during your 10th, 12th, placements and now!

You no longer want to open your Facebook page because all you can find is loads of wedding\honeymoon pictures of your peers (I personally think FB should auto block people who get married, for atleast a month or two just till the whole excitement dies down.. you know)

Perhaps the worst thing you can do right now to make things unbearably difficult for you is, attend any relative’s marriage. Believe me folks; you DO NOT want to go there! This function is less of celebrating the blessed unison of two souls and more like a parade to showcase so called the ‘eligible’ bachelors and bachelorettes your extended family’s got. You paste a big fat fake smile on your face and get hugged by countless old aunties who apparently still remember you in your little bloomers running round the house. While you’re still recovering from that scarring detail of your past, you’re pulled by your parents amidst a gang of relatives who want a brief description of your line work (note when they hear the word IT they immediately ask ‘BPO or settled! God knows what ‘settled’ means) 

 Also, any ideas of maybe finding the ‘right one’ on your own suddenly seem bleak, thanks to your crazy office timings and your family’s (mainly mom’s) expectations. You find yourself wishing you had struck gold during your college times rather than going after cheap thrills because now it’s somehow too late. Any idea of blindly falling in love seem lethal to you, as you’re so afraid to encounter another heart-break right before the biggest change in your life and you shy away from anything that might remotely go in that direction.

Just when you feel like your head’s going to explode with all the wedding chaos, you take a look at your peers who are in the exact condition as yours, some worse probably job hunting or tackling a psycho girlfriend\boyfriend. You breathe a sigh of relief saying to yourself that ‘yes, this too shall pass!’
Hmm it will … Right?

The different sides to me

The Erratic Side

This side of mine is mostly seen by my immediate family. Personally I feel they should be awarded for putting up with my antiques. Now, its not the normal kind of crazy .. the spontaneous and hedonistic things 20 somethings are famous for doing.. no .. its the retarded crazy. An annoying blend of childishness, mentally ill, mixed with an incessant urge to coddle (merely torturing by excessive hugging and cheek pecks) and a simply alarming (read requiring medical attention) obsession with cats. Starting with literal cat calling in the morning and conversing in high pitched voice. I don't do this to seek attention, this is basically how I am, period. Just writing this makes me want to visit a doctor.. sigh.

The Twisted- Sarcastic Side

This one's reserved for my closest friends, the ones who 'get' me. Where I don't have to watch my words or fear being judged. I just blurt out the first thing that comes to my mind, be as sarcastic, cheap, stupid or condescending as I can get and still expect them to read between the lines. I almost use this side as a filter to choose my company, those who take my sarcastic comments in a literal sense automatically fall in the line of being treated formally (curt hellos and how do you dos!) The rest.. well, they are hauled in for some really prolonged verbal torture.

The Philosopher Side

A surprising yet welcomed facet of mine. Generally activated in times of emotional perils, I tend to hand out some of the most level-headed advices to my close ones. This is the time when I'm the least judgmental (almost counselor-like) and pretty sane in the head. Initially my family fails to recognize the words coming out of my mouth (thanks to the other erratic side) but finally they start to ponder over the sensible stuff I ramble. In a way, its a relief to not be entirely loony.

The Responsible- kid Side

At first, I thought my 'proper' mannerisms towards the outside world was a just a pretense, that I was actually eager to pull off the sweet facade and turn into some kind of a rebelling hilly billy! Fortunately, I didn't feel the urge to do so. I effortlessly turn sober as soon as I step out of my comfort zone.This in turn gives others an impression that I might be a person they can depend upon, which has helped me in countless situations over the time.

The Self obsessed Dictator Side

Seen occasionally in painful doses by my close ones. I can dominate the living day lights out of people before they even realize what is happening to them. What follows after an unforeseen bout of narcissism quickly transforms into a mind controlling frenzy which quite surely ends up with lots of differences and emotional scars. These are the times when my closest pray that I turn back into my loony, cat obsessed self.

Writing about my mental fragmentation makes me wonder if I'm a schizophrenic! Do you have different sides of yours too, so contrasting and yet your own?

To The Edge..

A rueful soul lies deep in my broken shell

battered down by woes only I understand.

With the world at my feet, mocking me

where normalcy turned a facade to heed.

Fear undulates on my skin, I struggle

to hold that last slipping straw of happiness.

The certain I get of my morose situation

the flimsy sheath of optimism slowly falling apart.

Until there is no hope to hang on to, except

the voices in my head haunting me, urging me

to succumb to my insurmountable troubles.

As the knot on my nape tightens, choking me,

flashes of a pathetic life pass before me.

Final tears roll down for my loved ones,

some more for the ones who failed me.

My eyes blood red, like cinders of hell fire,

an incoherent prayer passes through my lips,

to never put any soul in a world like this.

Hobbies I wish to get back to!

A few days back while gazing idly at my computer (at work), my mind aimlessly wandering over minute details on the screen. I realized.. I was clearly jobless. There was no work to do at the moment and new work wasn't going to come any sooner either. The very idea of doing something constructive just to while away time, simply exhausted me.. I reminisced those days where I used to devote my time on cultivating new hobbies and sticking to them. They were a perfect escape to any sort of monotony my life would come across. Its high time I got back to them, so as a written promise to myself.. Here's a list of hobbies I wish.. no vow to get back to!

1. Reading Novels

That joy of losing yourself in a comforting paperback, where nothing else in the world matters except for you and your book. Your troubles fade away instantly and your focus revolves around the plot, gradually the mind drifts to another world.. A happy place!

2. Sketching 

Although a clear amateur that I am, creating works of art and beauty on a paper is a delightful experience to all. Bringing life to a portrait with every stroke at a painstaking detail is like watching magic unfold before your eyes. 

3. Dancing 

Why wait for a party or an occasion to work those stiff muscles up? A beautiful art that can make your woes disappear, let the music take over your body, please your soul and make you sway.. because child ..

“Life is the dancer and you are the dance.” so get up and DANCE!!

4. Playing the keyboard

Again.. a complete beginner but with an avid sense of hope to do better. Just the feeling of distinguishing one key from another and letting your fingers do the magic, with every note of music you achieve a sense of joy.. simply priceless.

5. Making friends

There comes a point in everyone's life where people get comfortable in their own space (or zone as many would like to call it) where things like eating or having coffee all by yourself is not a problem anymore, just a few friends in your vicinity to gossip once in a while and make weekend plans with, and you suddenly realize your life is stuck in a vicious box ready to suffocate you to death. I say, better break that box of your inhibitions, meet more people and add color to your life.