That silly affair called 'Arranged Marraige'

It’s that scary phase in your life. Where you come across a fork in the road and nothing you’ve have accomplished all these years by toiling seems to satisfy you. Just when you think of maybe elevating that self imposed sorry state of yours by going after your passion, your parents pop that dreaded question of marriage in an attempt to choke you at the dinner table. You suddenly find yourself under the radar of annoying uncles and aunties that oddly crop up only during your 10th, 12th, placements and now!

You no longer want to open your Facebook page because all you can find is loads of wedding\honeymoon pictures of your peers (I personally think FB should auto block people who get married, for atleast a month or two just till the whole excitement dies down.. you know)

Perhaps the worst thing you can do right now to make things unbearably difficult for you is, attend any relative’s marriage. Believe me folks; you DO NOT want to go there! This function is less of celebrating the blessed unison of two souls and more like a parade to showcase so called the ‘eligible’ bachelors and bachelorettes your extended family’s got. You paste a big fat fake smile on your face and get hugged by countless old aunties who apparently still remember you in your little bloomers running round the house. While you’re still recovering from that scarring detail of your past, you’re pulled by your parents amidst a gang of relatives who want a brief description of your line work (note when they hear the word IT they immediately ask ‘BPO or settled! God knows what ‘settled’ means) 

 Also, any ideas of maybe finding the ‘right one’ on your own suddenly seem bleak, thanks to your crazy office timings and your family’s (mainly mom’s) expectations. You find yourself wishing you had struck gold during your college times rather than going after cheap thrills because now it’s somehow too late. Any idea of blindly falling in love seem lethal to you, as you’re so afraid to encounter another heart-break right before the biggest change in your life and you shy away from anything that might remotely go in that direction.

Just when you feel like your head’s going to explode with all the wedding chaos, you take a look at your peers who are in the exact condition as yours, some worse probably job hunting or tackling a psycho girlfriend\boyfriend. You breathe a sigh of relief saying to yourself that ‘yes, this too shall pass!’
Hmm it will … Right?

The different sides to me

The Erratic Side

This side of mine is mostly seen by my immediate family. Personally I feel they should be awarded for putting up with my antiques. Now, its not the normal kind of crazy .. the spontaneous and hedonistic things 20 somethings are famous for doing.. no .. its the retarded crazy. An annoying blend of childishness, mentally ill, mixed with an incessant urge to coddle (merely torturing by excessive hugging and cheek pecks) and a simply alarming (read requiring medical attention) obsession with cats. Starting with literal cat calling in the morning and conversing in high pitched voice. I don't do this to seek attention, this is basically how I am, period. Just writing this makes me want to visit a doctor.. sigh.

The Twisted- Sarcastic Side

This one's reserved for my closest friends, the ones who 'get' me. Where I don't have to watch my words or fear being judged. I just blurt out the first thing that comes to my mind, be as sarcastic, cheap, stupid or condescending as I can get and still expect them to read between the lines. I almost use this side as a filter to choose my company, those who take my sarcastic comments in a literal sense automatically fall in the line of being treated formally (curt hellos and how do you dos!) The rest.. well, they are hauled in for some really prolonged verbal torture.

The Philosopher Side

A surprising yet welcomed facet of mine. Generally activated in times of emotional perils, I tend to hand out some of the most level-headed advices to my close ones. This is the time when I'm the least judgmental (almost counselor-like) and pretty sane in the head. Initially my family fails to recognize the words coming out of my mouth (thanks to the other erratic side) but finally they start to ponder over the sensible stuff I ramble. In a way, its a relief to not be entirely loony.

The Responsible- kid Side

At first, I thought my 'proper' mannerisms towards the outside world was a just a pretense, that I was actually eager to pull off the sweet facade and turn into some kind of a rebelling hilly billy! Fortunately, I didn't feel the urge to do so. I effortlessly turn sober as soon as I step out of my comfort zone.This in turn gives others an impression that I might be a person they can depend upon, which has helped me in countless situations over the time.

The Self obsessed Dictator Side

Seen occasionally in painful doses by my close ones. I can dominate the living day lights out of people before they even realize what is happening to them. What follows after an unforeseen bout of narcissism quickly transforms into a mind controlling frenzy which quite surely ends up with lots of differences and emotional scars. These are the times when my closest pray that I turn back into my loony, cat obsessed self.

Writing about my mental fragmentation makes me wonder if I'm a schizophrenic! Do you have different sides of yours too, so contrasting and yet your own?

To The Edge..

A rueful soul lies deep in my broken shell

battered down by woes only I understand.

With the world at my feet, mocking me

where normalcy turned a facade to heed.

Fear undulates on my skin, I struggle

to hold that last slipping straw of happiness.

The certain I get of my morose situation

the flimsy sheath of optimism slowly falling apart.

Until there is no hope to hang on to, except

the voices in my head haunting me, urging me

to succumb to my insurmountable troubles.

As the knot on my nape tightens, choking me,

flashes of a pathetic life pass before me.

Final tears roll down for my loved ones,

some more for the ones who failed me.

My eyes blood red, like cinders of hell fire,

an incoherent prayer passes through my lips,

to never put any soul in a world like this.

Hobbies I wish to get back to!

A few days back while gazing idly at my computer (at work), my mind aimlessly wandering over minute details on the screen. I realized.. I was clearly jobless. There was no work to do at the moment and new work wasn't going to come any sooner either. The very idea of doing something constructive just to while away time, simply exhausted me.. I reminisced those days where I used to devote my time on cultivating new hobbies and sticking to them. They were a perfect escape to any sort of monotony my life would come across. Its high time I got back to them, so as a written promise to myself.. Here's a list of hobbies I wish.. no vow to get back to!

1. Reading Novels

That joy of losing yourself in a comforting paperback, where nothing else in the world matters except for you and your book. Your troubles fade away instantly and your focus revolves around the plot, gradually the mind drifts to another world.. A happy place!

2. Sketching 

Although a clear amateur that I am, creating works of art and beauty on a paper is a delightful experience to all. Bringing life to a portrait with every stroke at a painstaking detail is like watching magic unfold before your eyes. 

3. Dancing 

Why wait for a party or an occasion to work those stiff muscles up? A beautiful art that can make your woes disappear, let the music take over your body, please your soul and make you sway.. because child ..

“Life is the dancer and you are the dance.” so get up and DANCE!!

4. Playing the keyboard

Again.. a complete beginner but with an avid sense of hope to do better. Just the feeling of distinguishing one key from another and letting your fingers do the magic, with every note of music you achieve a sense of joy.. simply priceless.

5. Making friends

There comes a point in everyone's life where people get comfortable in their own space (or zone as many would like to call it) where things like eating or having coffee all by yourself is not a problem anymore, just a few friends in your vicinity to gossip once in a while and make weekend plans with, and you suddenly realize your life is stuck in a vicious box ready to suffocate you to death. I say, better break that box of your inhibitions, meet more people and add color to your life.

The Two Sides To Practicality

Being practical, as the oxford dictionary likes to call it "A sensible and realistic approach to a situation or problem". Now Realistic, I agree, because no problem can be solved hypothetically! But sensible, now that's where I wonder.. When someone is being practical they are actually mostly numbing down their senses, say their emotions (how it might affect me, the world and yada yada), prejudices, instincts (that gut feeling you can't ward off) and a lot of other things which comes in the way of a logical solution to the problem. Many a time, practical thinkers have been branded as head strong, moral less or sometimes even soul less! Various situations get various names and it’s mainly pointed out by the ones who bear the brunt of this practicality. The practical being himself is however unscathed, his interlude of logical thinking being an easy mask for his own selfish purposes or escaping a pang of guilt and sorrow, thereby following the mantra "You forget your emotional side for once and get drawn to just plain old logic"

Practicality when accepted as a way of life, often lessens the scars of emotional trauma and the meaningless taunts your pessimistic mind sometimes hurls at you; such people most often don't regret their decisions or their outcomes. If followed it until their death, they mostly die with no regrets. Eventually, it has its own pros and cons. So what would you prefer?

A random chat with my 11yr old self!

Off late I have been obsessed with the concept of time travel, courtesy too many sci-fi movies on the similar lines! The other day while sorting out some of my old pictures, I gazed at myself during my 'awkward phase' of growth, that stupid grin and hideous sense of fashion (how I envy the kids today!) completely unaware or bothered about how her life would turn up. I instantly wished I could go back in time and talk to this care free girl. Just to probably know how my mind worked about 12 yrs back and maybe give some tips on better dressing and zit control! Since time traveling is not possible, or at least, not yet.. I figured, I can definitely write about this, after all everything is possible in the amazing world of literature!

So here it goes, conversation with my 11 year old self.

Present me- Hi there! umm OK, before you cream me with one of your newly learnt Karate moves.. its me Neha, I mean you, I mean you 12 years in the future.

11yr old me- Huh? I hope this is a dream! Yup I'm definitely dreaming.. so I'll keep away the ideas of attacking you.. So, how are you and most importantly what are you doing?

Present me- I'm doing good, well right now.. working in a software company.

11yr old me- Software? but we don't even like computers! Don't you remember that horrible computer teacher and her impositions! I thought we resolved to not go on the same path!

Present me- That was a long time ago, well.. atleast for me.. and IT is fun you will like it eventually.

11yr old me- But, but I thought our dream field was Biotech! Did you ditch that finally?

Present me- Hmm, I did.. until recently, but there were other issues and finally ambition had to take the back seat.

11yr old me- Are you kidding me? So you did follow our dream till the very last and gave up finally? Wow.. you suck!

Present me- Shut up! Do you even know anything about the passion you just grew so fond of?

11yr old me- Of course I do! 'Biotechnology is the science of creation of.."

Present me- Gosh stop it! you and I both know that definition is made up! It's just some random Hi-fi sounding biological terms which vaguely talk about cloning!

11yr old me- Huh! Atleast I am passionate about something, I have an aim!

Present me- Aim of what? Cloning humans and sending them to the 'Bermuda Triangle'? Not only is that very unethical and absurd but also impossible!

11yr old me- What? you can't clone a human being?

Present me- Nada..simply impossible, just like your chances of ever getting that admission letter from 'Hogwarts!'

11yr old me- Psshh (rolling eyes) I knew that!

Present me- Yeah right! but yeah please don't lose heart and stop following your dreams.

11yr old me- I'll do that, like I have a choice anyway!

Present me- Alright I will have to leave now, please stop wearing those hideous t-shirts, you'll thank me for that. Also, if you don't quit performing surgeries on those zits with your bare hands, you will regret it!

11yr old me- Aren't you a mother! Why don't you try improving your sorry state of life. Seriously, its no fun for me to work hard and end up like THAT!

Present me- Sheesh, I don't take advices from kids!

11yr old me- Haha right! You do realize that I am a figment of your imagination! So basically your imagination is an equivalent of a 11yr old!

Present me- Darn! Why can't you just play along! You called it dream isn't it?

11yr old me- Oh right OK.. So just for curiosity's sake.. Do you get to meet the love of your.. I mean, Our life?

Present me- Haha, that.... I will let you figure out eventually! ;)

Mind Games! -- Part 2

Dear Mind –Gaming  Boss,

Like any other bunch of excited newbies we were super kicked about finally entering the corporate world.. set aside the warning signs and countless advises we kept a positive outlook towards this new environment, bustling with an enthusiasm quotient equivalent of a puppy’s! However, we doubt you even bothered to notice all this.. it being pretty much of a yearly routine, you’re evidently apathetic to any rookie behavior. So you carry on with an air of ‘managerial’ experience until some delusional rookie makes a mistake of asking about the nature of his work or even worse, his pay! Oh the nerve! So this follows by you ruthlessly dodging us and when confronted anyways, simply waving us off by a mind boggling answer which would actually turn out to be totally bogus and irrelevant.

What really baffles us, is that, this very trait in particular is so common among people up at the management side.. its almost as if you had classes (and I’m taking about Mind gaming 101 sorts!) teaching you this wicked witch craft. If god forbid this does turn out to be true, then you better find a safe place to hide, because we are watching and we are learning, we will climb the ladder soon (probably by attending the same B- school you had gone to or better!) Maybe even teach you how it is to really be a good boss, by simply 'managing' the people who work for you. Ever considered that?

Sincerely,
Your 'rookie' (but not for long) employees!

Mind Games!-- Part 1

Dear Mind-Gamers,

So we started off  like any other story in the world.. as strangers, then getting acquainted to each other, lots of random chatter, en route to a decent enough friendship with room for slightly more. Your actions were being sweetly predictable and that was a relief, until you decided to turn around and fall back to square one! Leaving us stumped and doubting our own judgement, little did we know it a was just a brainchild of your boredom, perhaps to 'spice up' your otherwise mundane life, maybe you were done with all the board games and decided to 'up' the level. We were glumly trapped at your whims.. while you decided to play games with our feelings, falling back and forth like a yo-yo, your actions turning hot and cold at the drop of a dime! Its actually your good fortune that nobody has thrown a chair at you in frustration.. yet.. but the time will come, people are bound to get tired of guessing your next move, eventually stop reacting to your inadvertent pretense and you'll finally get beaten at your own game. The so- called exciting labyrinth of your thought process will just come to an unheralded close, when someone finally comes to you and says, my friend its high time you 'Grew Up!'

Sincerely,

Confused souls (who very soon won't give a damn)

Haunting Silence

Many of you might have come across a phase in your daily life where everything goes quiet, not only from the outside, now that’s pretty easy to achieve, but from the inside too! The incessant chatter in your brain gradually numbs down and at some point shuts off.. To many, this might be quiet eerie at the beginning,  like an invisible cord of communication being cut off from the world and yourself, to not have a voice inside your head telling you what to do or what you are thinking, just random images flashing here and there and now gradually blurring off. Perhaps unnerving to some, where we tend to speculate that this muted state might be the calm before an upcoming storm or some optimists might take it as a moment of peace and tranquility. Whatever the connotation might be, we still expect this silence to last for a short duration and hope for the normal jargon of life to reappear. Somehow, no one allows silence to engulf them, like it belongs to something still and lifeless. Ironically, its inner peace and quiet that are on the wishlist of most humans, but we still can’t tolerate it after a while. Almost satirical to see a rather harmless state of nature, daunting the human minds.

Cats!!

Alright, the title says it all .. reading this post is solely at your risk! Because, its all about my long and annoying obsession with cats! Yes, the slender feline (ahem angel-like) creatures that melt your heart with their cute furriness. If by now you've concluded that this is a pointless post to spend your precious joblessness on, then now maybe the right time to switch to some other mundane task your boring life might fancy!
Now coming back to my obsession, when I tried to jog through my memory to find out when exactly this crept into me, I couldn't remember a specific instance, until I saw my dear mother canoodling a cat in her arms.. and then it struck me.. the epiphany.. its in my blood! These wonderful creatures have crept into our little hearts from generations now! Although the good part of it is that they have gotten way cuter over the time. I realized my compulsion with cats has become a little..well..(creepy?) now. I mean, six cats? Whoa. xP And thanks to them, I have gotten the unique ability of speaking their "language" too. Oh yeah, I speak cat. \m/ And this just makes me actualize how Gangnam style would've been a much bigger hit if cats would have not only sung it, but danced on it too. Awesomeness Catified. (Those of you still reading this..no, I did not hit my head.... I think.) So to all you cat lovers out there, a big, fat....MEOW! :D

P.S- Feel free to share your cat stories here, cause you know you wont be able to do that anywhere else!

A Clandestine Delight

An escape from the monotony of life,
laden with an unnerving peril
where there is no room for mistakes.
A breakthrough from reality and melancholy.
Surging within a tired mind, conceiving
a release that breaks all barriers.
and as hither comes the moment of fruition,
the fervour rises within us like a wave,
consuming all the gloom and spreading
an exhilarating joy just like a sky dive.
And finally brings in a calm like ripples in the sea
our soul slowly wading through the wind.
A clandestine adventure locked deep down,
bringing a smile to our lips whenever cherished.

How to avoid socially embarrassing situations!

To err is human, but to err several times a day is well just plain dumb! In some special cases, the count of us getting into a sticky situation socially is more of an hourly routine. So instead of praying fervently to the almighty to dissolve you into thin air and vanish you off from the face of earth, here are some of the common social bloopers you can avoid on daily basis!

1. During uncomfortable, long free intervals, always have certain sure shot 'distractions' that you can stare at, with you. Like your phone, iPod or in helpless situations your watch can come in handy too, (as long its a cool one). The motive here, is to seem occupied.

2.  Try not to use windows on vehicles as mirrors. There’s a 95% chance that someone’s in there staring right back at you, as you check nostrils and teeth until you see pupils through the tint.

3. If you are out shopping with a group and are sort of dyslexic when it comes to simple ‘pull and push’ doors, discreetly stand back and let someone else do it.

4. When watching a movie with family, make sure that its free of any explicit content. Or atleast keep the remote somewhere next to you and quickly change it to something as  harmless as afternoon sports news.

5. When at a restaurant, avoid foods like spaghetti and fizzy drinks. The last thing you want to do is, make a ‘slurping stupid’ or a ‘burping bozo’ out of yourself!

6. While walking on the footpath\ corridors firmly stick to your lane to avoid any awkward run- into- each - other- dance interaction.

7. When a person you aren't quiet familiar with, excitedly waves at you, turn back and check if there’s someone else whom they are waving at. This way you can avoid waving back like a moron and realizing it wasn't you at the end.

8. When you want to shout out to a person at a distance with a happy greeting like ‘Good morning’ or something, make sure they aren't plugged to their ear phones!

9. When you’re taking your friends\colleagues out on a treat, its always safe to carry the amount in cash. You don’t want to be in a weird situation where you brandish your card to pay the bill, and it comes out declined!

10. Never make stupid assumptions about fat women by congratulating them for their pregnancy! They will simply hate you for the rest of their lives.

11. Avoid discussing gross and perverted stuff loudly with your 'besties' in a quiet public place. People are bound to hear your escapades and silently pray for the sad state of humanity, which will leave you scarred for life!

P.S- Do add on some pointers of your own. Make the world a better place :P

A Second Chance to Second Chances

At some point in time, everyone comes across this cliche situation where a person close to us (or used to be) asks for a second chance to make amends to whatever wrong they have done to us. Now these 'wrongs' committed by such people were certainly deliberate, although while explaining their plea.. they mostly justify it by a casual 'I never meant it!' line. Most of the forgiving souls pardon that brief interlude of pain and let go off their grudges. While most others, including me.. look at it like our kidneys are being asked  in return!  While I pondered over this 'issue' of mine where I found second chances so absurd, my dear mother brought on the same topic. She argued that forgiving is important and essential in life because if God would be obstinate on the same issue, then no one on earth could ask for mercy and ergo it'll be one 'Helluva' time! Although I hated admitting it, she had a point.. but the problem was not about forgiving people.. it was mainly allowing that someone back into the place they held in your life, now that was hard to achieve. No matter what the stakes are, anyone is bound to keep their guard up to avoid being hurt again. The question lies.. is there room for giving a second chance to such second chances as you live life only once, or is it better to just take the high road and give new lease to life. Only time can tell.

Top 5 New Year's Resolutions Bound to Fail!

Its yet another year! No thanks to the Mayans.. but here's wishing you all, a very happy and prosperous new year! The very first thing that comes to everyone's mind when the clock strikes twelve (well other than grabbing someone and planting one!) is the feeling of a new beginning. I'm talking about the long hyped 'New year's resolution!' The resolve to do (or not do) something and sticking to it for err.. ever! But who are we kidding.. that never happens! So here's a list of some of the very common resolutions taken every year all around the world, which never really work! 

1. Lose weight!

Oh boy, how many times have we heard that one before.. It might be an impulsive decision taken probably due to bingeing during Christmas leading to an uncomfortably tight New year's party dress (oh the anguish!) or it maybe a long lost deep seated will to shed pounds which magically renews itself at the start of every year. Well, whatever the reason might be..Sorry folks, its not going to work!

2. Start writing a diary and well.. maintain it!

A relatively trivial resolution which turns out to become a guilty itch through out the year! (personally experienced) Usually initiated to keep record of 'moments' throughout the year, just because our memory is too weak to keep track of it. The pattern is mostly

Dear diary, 'this' - January

Dear diary, 'that' - February

Dear diary, blah don't really care- March

And so on... until 'Dear diary' collects an inch thick coat of dust and is stashed away with all the clothes that are too tight to wear.

3. Stop drinking/ smoking or any such habits of the same.

A common resolve taken mostly during a terrible hangover after the new year's eve. Which left you in mess and your washroom messier! But yeah, wait till the very next mid year festive season and suddenly you'll have no recollection of that debacle and chug away to glory!

4. Stop running behind girls/ boys and focus on work/ studies.

Ah, a noble oath taken. I respect the strong will of such people. But.. who am I kidding, any moron can do the 'math', look at the stakes and conclude that the equation's all wrong! :P

5. Cultivate a new hobby

Now this, some people might achieve.. the rest don't have to be disheartened. Folks, get this straight.. its just a different year, not retirement! You couldn't do much last year because you were busy. Well chances are, that you might be just as busy this year too! 

So readers, this is my small list of ' Top Epic Fail' resolutions. If you have any new ones.. please do share!

P.S: I resolve to write more often this year.. hope I stick to it. Although, 'often' is something subjected to change! ;)