Who Am I?

There’s some kind of restlessness, unspoken doubts, some fears, an unsettled mind. Maybe it’s the age, where nothing can satisfy you. Future has become like a graph you plot, where you try to trace the path alongside the ‘desirable’ imaginary curve you once plotted with your dreams. 

I’m a new age woman trying to find my identity among an apparently reforming society.

My caste and creed aside, I struggle to come to terms with the enormous disparity between a man and a woman. Leave alone the instances of rape, harassment, eve teasing or any kind of social evils we might have faced at some point or the other in our life. What about the stereo typical judging of a modern woman’s character by her peers, neighbors, colleagues and relatives? Many brave ones might put up a facade of ‘I don’t give a damn to what people think’, but the truth is ..EVERYONE cares, words hurt.. Either as a rude slap on your face or a dull ache in your head that slowly comes to notice.

It’s a phase of modern age identity crisis, where we are caught up in the new wave of liberation and yet so pulled by the strings of old traditions and culture. 

No! I’m not a rebel, neither am I a die-hard feminist. I thought I can adapt to the new course of changes and mould myself into someone who’s a near perfect blend of both the ideals. Little did I know, that trying to balance between two different set of lifestyles, would lead you into an intense uncertainty of ‘Who am I?’ 

Maybe this question has always been there, brimming to realization during times of peril. Nothing can be done about it until this question burns into the head of every woman and we do something about it. Till then, I can only hope.. Hope, that at least once, I go by my day where I don't regret being a woman.

Broken Vows

She ponders aimlessly, drawn by words.
The depth of despair in her wounded heart,
knows no bounds tearing her world apart.
Some broken vows and promises unkept,
few morals to transgress, step after step.
Fear of the consequences brim at dusk,
tears of resentment run down her core;
Then dawn arrives with some new hope,
some new promises, a few more to cope.
Her future so bleak she longs for more.
A chance she seeks to set it all right,
go back to the innocence a hopeful light.
From the dark world she now transcends,
to a new life, she vows to make amends.

Quivering Strings

A melody begins as I ponder over you,
deliciously strumming through my soul.
I gather sweet dreams, now turned true
Engulfed in your arms, makes me feel whole
Love soars within me like a violin's note.
Rhyme and reason fail to see they've begun.
As riveting is your aura, I feel unnerved
Helplessly drawn to you like Icarus to the sun.
Joy with you is like an unspoken word
and loving you is a symphony at its peak.
Where heartbeats flutter, like quivering strings.

I solemnly swear!

After a sabbatical of few months, (which was due to important reasons involving alien abductions and achieving world peace) I solemnly swear that from now on, I shall write more. Yes folks, apologies to the ones who loathe my writing, you can simply click on the red cross button on the top right side of your system and live happily.

Over the few months a lot has changed (well other than me failing to achieve world peace) but changes within me. A lot more platforms have come up where I can express myself, good friends whom I treat as diaries, who listen to my constant chatter, my whims and put up with it. An amazing pen pal from a land far away who's penmanship blows my literary hungry mind. My hands were full dealing with myriads of situations and sometimes I found myself juggling with a little more than I can take (I can't juggle in reality, I'm dyslexic when it comes to doing tasks that require hand-eye co-ordination.. sigh)

Although, I had enough emotional outlets to share whatever nonsensical bit my brain could conjure. I still found myself making ahem, lengthy conversations with my own brain (they were oddly pretty humorous too!) I wondered, what was missing, it all boiled down to this. I missed writing! Making up weird scenarios, exaggerating mundane situations, being quirky about my own behavior. So many things that I can only express in solitude and then.. well, share it to the world. (I've got nothing to lose anyways)

So here it is, a small word I now give to myself and my literature craving mind, that I will pour my feelings, my quirkiness into my writings. Be it on any platform.. cause lets face it, the things I have been coming up with, of-late.. writing in solitude might be the only option left for me. Kudos to words!